Irza Fidah's Key Ideas from Emotional Intelligence Mastery
by Eric Jordan

Once you can recognize your own feelings to a degree of certainty, you will then move on to develop the ability to see emotions and feelings in others for what they are.

If you can see feelings in yourself, you'll be able to identify them in others. That's the second step you would take if you are interested in developing you EQ—seeing others' feelings as they express them.

The next level of emotional intelligence that you can develop for yourself is your personal ability to rein in or direct your emotions, to call on certain emotions, for instance, so that they help you perform better.

Think about a feeling where your answer was a clear "yes". There is actually a very simple way to dissolve any feeling that arises and is noticable in the body.

Mental health professionals have been using and teaching it for decades, as part of their toolkit for helping emotionally overwhelmed patients. On average, it takes less than 2 minutes.

In your path towards higher EQ, you will most likely run into thought traps—which tend to become habitual for many of us.

Every ten minutes for the next hour, stop. Stop everything you are doing and ask yourself, "What is the predominant thought I have just been thinking?" Write down the complete thought. Don't do anything about it yet, just write it down.

Notice when you are spinning in your head around a recurring thought that you just can't let go of.

Once you have noticed which thought keeps popping up or that you are spinning in your head, stop! Stop and ask yourself this question, "Could I let go of listening to my mind, yes or no?"

Naturally, for these purposes, you want to answer yes.

Self management—in regards to improving your EQ—takes awareness of your own feelings, behaviors, and reactions one step further. Self-management is you at-will ability to delay gratification, in the name of more personal mastery over strong feelings or urges.

In the name of a quiet, more balanced observation of other people around you. In the name of allowing others to shine.

These are three key words that help you understand what mindfulness is: determination, awareness, and attention.

Use your imagination and look for moments during your ordinary day to practice mindfulness. Look for times during your day when you can focus your five senses into more mindfulness. Pay attention to the actual activity (standing, driving, sitting, eating), the people around you, the environment surrounding you and so on.

Emotional intelligence means being aware that feelings drive both our best and our worst behaviors. For some of us need to train ourselves to observe and understand. Active listening helps.

The best novelist and screenplay writers are active and attentive observers of humankind. They have to be, as understanding the role of emotions is how they develop the characters depicted in their stories.