Gözde Yeşiltaş's Key Ideas from Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition
by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Emily Gregory

Begin by clarifying what you really want—for yourself, others, and the relationship.

Stay away from winning, punishing, or keeping the peace at all costs.

Ask: “What do I really want? What would a healthy outcome look like?”

Learn to recognize:

When the conversation becomes crucial.

Signs of silence (withdrawal, avoidance) or violence (control, attack).

Watch both content (what’s said) and conditions (emotional tone, tension).

When safety is at risk, restore it using:

Mutual Purpose – show you’re working toward a shared goal.

Mutual Respect – show you care about them as a person.

Use the “Contrasting” skill: clarify what you don’t mean before stating what you do mean.

Emotions come from your stories, not just the facts.

Learn to separate facts from your interpretations (stories).

Use the Path to Action model:

See & Hear → Tell a Story → Feel → Act

Reframe stories to regain control and fairness.

Use the STATE skills to express yourself respectfully:

Share your facts – start with the least controversial.

Tell your story – your interpretation.

Ask for others’ paths – invite their views.

Talk tentatively – don’t claim absolute truth.

Encourage testing – be open to being wrong.

Help others feel safe enough to share their meaning.

Use AMPP to draw others out:

Ask to get things rolling

Mirror to confirm feelings

Paraphrase to show understanding

Prime when they won’t open up

Use “Agree, Build, Compare” instead of attacking differences.

Dialogue isn’t enough—you must decide how to act.

Decide who does what, by when, and how you’ll follow up.

Avoid unclear expectations—use clear, structured commitments.

Tips for conversations with power dynamics, high stakes, or emotional intensity.

Examples include handling disrespect, stubbornness, or recurring issues.

Emphasizes self-reflection, preparation, and emotional regulation.

Summary of key principles.

Emphasizes practice, self-awareness, and courage.

Long-term change happens when people commit to building emotional safety and meaning.

Emotional Control: Start with heart, master your story

Conflict Recovery: Create safety (Mutual Purpose/Respect)

Listening: AMPP + Mirror, Paraphrase, Prime